Spirit Lead Me..

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown, where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep, my faith will stand

...

My soul will rest in your embrace

For I am yours and you are mine 

I'm about to be 100% honest and some of it is not going to be pretty. This year and by year I don't mean 2014, this school year including parts of summer has been really difficult on me. For a majority of days it was hard to get out of bed and be thankful to be alive. I wanted to be dead. I was so unhappy and with no insight as to why. It was a hard fall semester to start feeling like that and I kept asking God "Why? Why this again?" and he never answered. I had a really hard time accepting that he left me to experience this depression. I wanted a magic wand that would wave it all away but that didn't happen. I lost faith.

I lost my joy. I lost my drive. I lost my faith in a good God. But while I was so stubborn to only see my way, he was working in my life. Someone explained to me that sometimes feeling God's presence is like a tree, when it's in full bloom it's beautiful and so vibrant with life but in the other seasons of the tree's life it's strengthening it's roots even though it's not in bloom. I've learned, I'm not always going to feel God's presence in my life but that doesn't mean he's left me. It means he's calling me to grow.

I got my faith back. I started to believe that even though I hurt, he was making something good come out of this pain. He's still working in my life through my depression reminding me that the only way out is through. I have to work through the issues that are causing my depression and the first step is to identify. I have so much work ahead of me but I have my loving father walking along side me and I have his spirit IN me. 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior