Shame

I am not my sin
I am so much more.
I am not my past,
I have a bright eternal future.

Shame is a hard thing to deal with. Especially considering it's mostly self-inflicted. God sees no record of wrong, he doesn't see us by our sin. He calls us by name. But that truth is so often forgotten because the devil knows our name but calls us by our sin. It's so easy to forget that we are forgiven for our past mistakes, so easy to get wrapped up in guilt and pain.

We don't need to live like that but it's hard to see otherwise. It's hard to see past scars that you wear visibly on an arm, it's hard to see past the names of the people you've slept with. It's hard to see past the horrible things you've once said to someone you love. But I remind you that all sin is equal in the eyes of God. There is no 'well I screwed up worse than you because I did this'. We are all sinners and we are all broken. However I want to instill the knowledge that Jesus died for your sins all of them, past, present, future sins. There's nothing you can do that will take away God's love for you. He will always love you. By letting shame define your worth, you're just hurting yourself.

Now that's not me trying to say sin is okay and to go out and consciously go out and just sin because you can. That's not the point I'm making and I really hope that's not what you get out of this. But I want you to know that it's okay to mess up and it's okay to not be perfect because we are human beings, we screw things up. What I'm trying to say is that shame is one of the devils most used tricks at telling us that we are unworthy. We are unworthy but we have a Father who sent his son to become like us and die for our sins so that we can spend an eternity in heaven with our Father. He sees us with eyes full of love and arms stretched out wanting us to run into them.

I've been working on this post for a while and I was going to just end it right there but lately there's been a few blog posts about waiting/not waiting going around and I really wanted to just say my peace. Whoever you are, no matter what you have done YOU ARE LOVED. It doesn't matter if you consider yourself a christian or not. YOU ARE SO LOVED! More than you could ever possibly know or try and understand!

I have a sexual past, one that I am not proud of. I often get asked if I regret it which is where it gets complicated. I am who I am because of what I've done but I also say that knowing that I can't change what I've done. If I could I would go back to that girl who was so lonely, I would whisper in her ear and say 'You are loved, you deserve so much more!' But I can't, the only thing I can do is to move forward from it and reconcile with myself about what I've done. I don't wake up in the morning feeling shame that I'm not a virgin. I don't believe that is ever God's intention to make us feel shameful. Yes, he wants us to wait, he wants us to enjoy that gift in a marriage that honors him but most importantly he wants us to know how much he loves us and how much we are worth! Because YOU ARE SO WORTHY!

I hope these truths speak to you, in any circumstance, in any sin that you may be struggling with. 

We are not our sin, we are so much more!