I am not my sin
I am so much more.
I am not my past,
I have a bright eternal future.
Shame is a hard thing to deal with. Especially considering it's mostly self-inflicted. God sees no record of wrong, he doesn't see us by our sin. He calls us by name. But that truth is so often forgotten because the devil knows our name but calls us by our sin. It's so easy to forget that we are forgiven for our past mistakes, so easy to get wrapped up in guilt and pain.
We don't need to live like that but it's hard to see otherwise. It's hard to see past scars that you wear visibly on an arm, it's hard to see past the names of the people you've slept with. It's hard to see past the horrible things you've once said to someone you love. But I remind you that all sin is equal in the eyes of God. There is no 'well I screwed up worse than you because I did this'. We are all sinners and we are all broken. However I want to instill the knowledge that Jesus died for your sins all of them, past, present, future sins. There's nothing you can do that will take away God's love for you. He will always love you. By letting shame define your worth, you're just hurting yourself.
Now that's not me trying to say sin is okay and to go out and consciously go out and just sin because you can. That's not the point I'm making and I really hope that's not what you get out of this. But I want you to know that it's okay to mess up and it's okay to not be perfect because we are human beings, we screw things up. What I'm trying to say is that shame is one of the devils most used tricks at telling us that we are unworthy. We are unworthy but we have a Father who sent his son to become like us and die for our sins so that we can spend an eternity in heaven with our Father. He sees us with eyes full of love and arms stretched out wanting us to run into them.
I've been working on this post for a while and I was going to just end it right there but lately there's been a few blog posts about waiting/not waiting going around and I really wanted to just say my peace. Whoever you are, no matter what you have done YOU ARE LOVED. It doesn't matter if you consider yourself a christian or not. YOU ARE SO LOVED! More than you could ever possibly know or try and understand!
I have a sexual past, one that I am not proud of. I often get asked if I regret it which is where it gets complicated. I am who I am because of what I've done but I also say that knowing that I can't change what I've done. If I could I would go back to that girl who was so lonely, I would whisper in her ear and say 'You are loved, you deserve so much more!' But I can't, the only thing I can do is to move forward from it and reconcile with myself about what I've done. I don't wake up in the morning feeling shame that I'm not a virgin. I don't believe that is ever God's intention to make us feel shameful. Yes, he wants us to wait, he wants us to enjoy that gift in a marriage that honors him but most importantly he wants us to know how much he loves us and how much we are worth! Because YOU ARE SO WORTHY!
I hope these truths speak to you, in any circumstance, in any sin that you may be struggling with.
We are not our sin, we are so much more!
Friday, August 15, 2014
Thursday, July 31, 2014
The F Word/God's will
No, not that F-word. I'm talking about failure, well actually more so the fear of failure.
Have you ever been trying to do an assignment or talking yourself up to go do something that's a bit risky and just feel paralyzed with the thought of failing so you don't even try? Well that's what I'm talking about today ladies and gents. It seems to be a common phenomenon in my life. It's that moment I go to do something and I just can't. Maybe it's strong traits of procrastinating or the worry that your best isn't good enough. Who knows.
Fear of failure isn't just the fear of failing but even the fear of possibly failing to follow God's will. So often I feel stuck in my life and honestly it's because I get so caught up with the worry of trying to follow God's will to a perfect T. But that's not how it works. He doesn't just set us down on a straight path for us to follow, he gives us forks in the road. He gives us choices to make and sometimes we don't have the answers. That's where faith comes into all of this. We have to have faith in God and that he will close the doors that are meant to close and open new ones along the way.
Sometimes it may feel that no matter what we do we're going to fail. And if you let it that fear will eat you alive. That fear of failure will keep you paralyzed which is exactly what the enemy wants. But meeting with a dear friend this past week, a wonderful truth was spoken to me: God cannot guide you if you're not in motion. God doesn't want us to fear failure, he wants us to embrace it. He's going to close door after door but there will come a time when there's an open door and it leads to another and another.
Sometimes you're going to do something and a door will close but the important thing is that you're trying. By setting yourself in motion you're allowing God to guide you. We get so caught up in the idea of what success is and that if we fail once, we've failed for good. Thank heavens that this is not the case! I could never say what God's will is in a specific sense. But I have a pretty good idea in the broad realm. Our God wants us to seek him, spend time in his word, listen for him, be still in him and obey him. He doesn't just set his children down in a vast park and let them wander, he sets them on a path and as they walk along it, he puts road blocks on some routes and paves new roads along the way. All he asks us is to trust in him and listen to his guidance along the way!
Have you ever been trying to do an assignment or talking yourself up to go do something that's a bit risky and just feel paralyzed with the thought of failing so you don't even try? Well that's what I'm talking about today ladies and gents. It seems to be a common phenomenon in my life. It's that moment I go to do something and I just can't. Maybe it's strong traits of procrastinating or the worry that your best isn't good enough. Who knows.
Fear of failure isn't just the fear of failing but even the fear of possibly failing to follow God's will. So often I feel stuck in my life and honestly it's because I get so caught up with the worry of trying to follow God's will to a perfect T. But that's not how it works. He doesn't just set us down on a straight path for us to follow, he gives us forks in the road. He gives us choices to make and sometimes we don't have the answers. That's where faith comes into all of this. We have to have faith in God and that he will close the doors that are meant to close and open new ones along the way.
Sometimes it may feel that no matter what we do we're going to fail. And if you let it that fear will eat you alive. That fear of failure will keep you paralyzed which is exactly what the enemy wants. But meeting with a dear friend this past week, a wonderful truth was spoken to me: God cannot guide you if you're not in motion. God doesn't want us to fear failure, he wants us to embrace it. He's going to close door after door but there will come a time when there's an open door and it leads to another and another.
Sometimes you're going to do something and a door will close but the important thing is that you're trying. By setting yourself in motion you're allowing God to guide you. We get so caught up in the idea of what success is and that if we fail once, we've failed for good. Thank heavens that this is not the case! I could never say what God's will is in a specific sense. But I have a pretty good idea in the broad realm. Our God wants us to seek him, spend time in his word, listen for him, be still in him and obey him. He doesn't just set his children down in a vast park and let them wander, he sets them on a path and as they walk along it, he puts road blocks on some routes and paves new roads along the way. All he asks us is to trust in him and listen to his guidance along the way!
Monday, June 9, 2014
It's Summer!
So it's been a while...how ya been? To get back in the blogging game I thought we'd start off with a nice post of gifs and really witty remarks!
So you say it's summer eh?
Do you have everything you need? Sunglasses, hats, sunblock...maybe your flip flops?
But are you ready for young people to be everywhere? Because you're in college, or still on the job search post-graduation, you don't have time commitments necessarily that all your friends have much like the high-schooler's you have come to loathe.
Just breathe and remember you're older, you have age working on your side for once in your lifetime. Think about it...under 10 you're completely dependent on your parents, teens - you think you're invincible and do stupid things and have to battle acne, 20s- you have to pick a career/major and decide what to do with life (yes it is frustrating but at least that acne cleared up...for the most part) 30s- you're likely starting a family and won't have time to yourself for a very long time 40s- you're wondering how you got this old, weren't your kids just born yesterday, 50s- you stress about saving money for retirement, also if you'll be able to retire with the way the economy is going, and let's face it after that everything starts to go downhill besides for a few good senior discounts you get in your 60s. Point being your twenties are really working in your favor! However long live that moment from High School Musical 2 of Zac Efron...that sand throw.
However on a more serious note...you might like a lot of America might be feeling a little self-conscious after those winter months of packing on the pounds.
It's okay! Remember you're beautiful just the way you are! Thank Bruno for those words of encouragement!
Just remember to be your unique self...
And not impersonate someone else and you'll be fine!
And also it's lovely to be back! ;)
So you say it's summer eh?
However on a more serious note...you might like a lot of America might be feeling a little self-conscious after those winter months of packing on the pounds.
And also it's lovely to be back! ;)
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Making The Time
I'm really struggling with this lately and it's hard to be on the end where you feel like your friends have just not made time for you. This post isn't going to be encouraging, funny, but really more of a rant of I'm fed up.
My love languages, if you know me go in this order:
After having done this for several weeks in some friendships I've really had more of a revelation in that, if you're not going to try I don't want you in my life. It's hard but at the same time, I felt like in many of those relationships I was putting so much effort in that I stopped feeling like it was a mutual friendship and turned into a one-sided one. With recent events, that feeling is fresh in my mind. If you're not going to put time into having a friendship with me, then there really isn't a friendship there anyways.
You can't be friends with everyone. You have to decide who you want in your life, you have to prioritize the relationships in your life. You have to make the time for those people if you want to keep them in your life. And if you're like me, one day you might just have to let some of those friendships go so that others can grow. It's hard and it hurts but sometimes that's what you have to do. So I leave you with this, make sure you make the time for the important people in your life because really that's what matters.
My love languages, if you know me go in this order:
- Physical touch
- Quality time
- Receiving Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
After having done this for several weeks in some friendships I've really had more of a revelation in that, if you're not going to try I don't want you in my life. It's hard but at the same time, I felt like in many of those relationships I was putting so much effort in that I stopped feeling like it was a mutual friendship and turned into a one-sided one. With recent events, that feeling is fresh in my mind. If you're not going to put time into having a friendship with me, then there really isn't a friendship there anyways.
You can't be friends with everyone. You have to decide who you want in your life, you have to prioritize the relationships in your life. You have to make the time for those people if you want to keep them in your life. And if you're like me, one day you might just have to let some of those friendships go so that others can grow. It's hard and it hurts but sometimes that's what you have to do. So I leave you with this, make sure you make the time for the important people in your life because really that's what matters.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
How To Survive Valentine's Day Single
Step 1: Don't leave your house
There's decorations, couples, love in the air. Don't go out there, it will suck you in, like a cult.
Step 2: Don't give your friends valentines
You're not 12, nor in love. It makes you seem sad so just don't do it.
Step 3: Don't watch romantic comedies
Stick to a nice action movie, like fast and the furious or hunger games (yes there's love but mainly the premise to stay alive)
Step 4: If you must watch a sappy movie, cry to it
No judgement, it's just you, your teddy and maybe a few cats watching the movie with you. Throw some chocolates when the man lies. It's very therapeutic.
Step 5: Don't buy candy
Unless you want to eat it all in a day and then carry that self-loathing for weeks. Don't do it. You don't need chocolate or a man to make you happy.
Step 6: Don't call your ex
A. You shouldn't still have his number
B. You broke up for a reason
C. He will know how desperate you are
Step 7: Don't linger in the past
If you're hoarding pictures from your past relationship, pick two of you favorites and burn the rest. Or shred, rip, destroy them however you like. The two you keep find a box stick them in it and put it under your bed or closet where you won't find it for years.
Step 8: Don't do a group hang out on valentines
Bystanders will pity you and attendees will hit on you. It's kind of a lose-lose situation
Step 9: Only cry to fellow single ladies
Your best friend may be the person you tell everything to, but she's in a relationship. She won't get what you're going through even though she might have at some point. Couples get giddy with love and it's nauseating, they just pour out love. Don't succumb to the trap.
Step 10: Just don't get out of bed
Sleep in late, catch up on some TV, be lazy. Don't think that you should try and get so much done because you have a whole day. You won't and then you will feel like a failure. Take in some deep breaths and if you really can't relax try yoga.
Note: This 'How To' is not proven to produce any results of happiness on valentine's day. It is merely a guide for you to not dive into the realm of love on this tragic holiday. Stay single, stay proud.
Note of the note: This is a work of fiction, don't take it too seriously.
There's decorations, couples, love in the air. Don't go out there, it will suck you in, like a cult.
Step 2: Don't give your friends valentines
You're not 12, nor in love. It makes you seem sad so just don't do it.
Step 3: Don't watch romantic comedies
Stick to a nice action movie, like fast and the furious or hunger games (yes there's love but mainly the premise to stay alive)
Step 4: If you must watch a sappy movie, cry to it
No judgement, it's just you, your teddy and maybe a few cats watching the movie with you. Throw some chocolates when the man lies. It's very therapeutic.
Step 5: Don't buy candy
Unless you want to eat it all in a day and then carry that self-loathing for weeks. Don't do it. You don't need chocolate or a man to make you happy.
Step 6: Don't call your ex
A. You shouldn't still have his number
B. You broke up for a reason
C. He will know how desperate you are
Step 7: Don't linger in the past
If you're hoarding pictures from your past relationship, pick two of you favorites and burn the rest. Or shred, rip, destroy them however you like. The two you keep find a box stick them in it and put it under your bed or closet where you won't find it for years.
Step 8: Don't do a group hang out on valentines
Bystanders will pity you and attendees will hit on you. It's kind of a lose-lose situation
Step 9: Only cry to fellow single ladies
Your best friend may be the person you tell everything to, but she's in a relationship. She won't get what you're going through even though she might have at some point. Couples get giddy with love and it's nauseating, they just pour out love. Don't succumb to the trap.
Step 10: Just don't get out of bed
Sleep in late, catch up on some TV, be lazy. Don't think that you should try and get so much done because you have a whole day. You won't and then you will feel like a failure. Take in some deep breaths and if you really can't relax try yoga.
Note: This 'How To' is not proven to produce any results of happiness on valentine's day. It is merely a guide for you to not dive into the realm of love on this tragic holiday. Stay single, stay proud.
Note of the note: This is a work of fiction, don't take it too seriously.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Social Media
I'm having a really hard time with social media right now. I love social media but I also feel that social media is one of the devil's biggest weapons that he uses. I struggle on days where I take so many pictures of myself. I get so caught up with how I look and wanting people to like my pictures. I want people to tell me I'm beautiful. I want people to compliment me and to a degree I think that's okay but what happens when that's where you hold value? What happens when you hold value in what other people tell you?
I started this blog not cause I wanted everyone to read it but I wanted a place where I could put my ideas out there. In the matter of a few posts I got so caught up about the fact that people were reading it. I got self-absorbed. It's hard not to, I think as human beings we are naturally self-absorbed creatures. I will talk more about that sometime, I'm sure. But when I become self-absorb I don't like me very much. I don't like the person I become. The more self-absorbed I am the more judgmental, rude and selfish I become.
I think vanity/pride is a very dangerous thing in too much doses. At least for me. So back to my the questions. What happens when you hold value in what other people tell you; well it's simple, you stop defining yourself by the truths of God and start holding yourself to the standard that society tells you to live by. You stop believing that you're a beautiful child of God, who should love themselves as they are. Instead you start believing that you're not skinny enough, you're not pretty enough, you just start to believe that you are not good enough. Which is a lie. It's a horrible lie that this world so often tries to make you believe. When you stop believing truth, your heart hardens towards yourself and others. I know that when I'm believing the lies of this world instead of the truth from my father that I'm hardening my heart against others. I stop seeing people as children of God and instead competition. Especially women. But I repeat something I heard on retreat, "women are not the enemy".
I'm not trying to say don't take selfies or that you're a bad person if you enjoy Facebook. What I am trying to say is be careful of your heart and your intentions. Remember the truths of your Father, not the lies of this world.
There's a song I've been listening to pretty non-stop since I got this CD. I think it applies to the post. So please give it a listen and remember that you're beautiful not because of what you look like, but because of your heart.
Come to me, I'm all you need.
Come to me, I'm your everything.
I started this blog not cause I wanted everyone to read it but I wanted a place where I could put my ideas out there. In the matter of a few posts I got so caught up about the fact that people were reading it. I got self-absorbed. It's hard not to, I think as human beings we are naturally self-absorbed creatures. I will talk more about that sometime, I'm sure. But when I become self-absorb I don't like me very much. I don't like the person I become. The more self-absorbed I am the more judgmental, rude and selfish I become.
I think vanity/pride is a very dangerous thing in too much doses. At least for me. So back to my the questions. What happens when you hold value in what other people tell you; well it's simple, you stop defining yourself by the truths of God and start holding yourself to the standard that society tells you to live by. You stop believing that you're a beautiful child of God, who should love themselves as they are. Instead you start believing that you're not skinny enough, you're not pretty enough, you just start to believe that you are not good enough. Which is a lie. It's a horrible lie that this world so often tries to make you believe. When you stop believing truth, your heart hardens towards yourself and others. I know that when I'm believing the lies of this world instead of the truth from my father that I'm hardening my heart against others. I stop seeing people as children of God and instead competition. Especially women. But I repeat something I heard on retreat, "women are not the enemy".
I'm not trying to say don't take selfies or that you're a bad person if you enjoy Facebook. What I am trying to say is be careful of your heart and your intentions. Remember the truths of your Father, not the lies of this world.
There's a song I've been listening to pretty non-stop since I got this CD. I think it applies to the post. So please give it a listen and remember that you're beautiful not because of what you look like, but because of your heart.
Come to me, I'm all you need.
Come to me, I'm your everything.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Cat Lady Status
You know those movies or books that make you fall in love with the main characters who get these wonderful guys who are attractive, chivalrous, good humored, and have a personality. Yeah, all those wonderful 'so many feels' movies/books. They suck. They remind me that I'm single and that I don't have anyone like that in my life.
And I'm over here like:
Why must my favorite books/movies always have so many feels. WHY?!?!
and who could resist a precious face like this:
So in all honesty, I love cats just maybe not owning 15. Maybe I should rethink the movies and books I read until I get out of this "cat phase".
Thanks for reading!
Until next time!
And I'm over here like:
So that brings me to this...I have a feeling that I'm going to be a crazy cat lady. Why you may
ask, well I'm nearly 22 and I've never had a serious relationship.
That's not to say I've never had a boyfriend but I've never been in love
and had someone in love with me.
But I'm okay really...
Just kidding (well, for the most part)
BUT who doesn't love cats?!
They're a bit weird but adorably cute!
They provide humor when you need a good laugh
Thanks for reading!
Until next time!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Paths
Being jobless is for lack of a better term, sucky. You have bills to pay, you can't support yourself, and you have to be very frugal (which I'm not especially good at). Being supported by your parents has some great benefits but you have very little actual independence which is, in my opinion, all that college is about. It is identifying yourself and figuring out who you are without the parental input controlling your life. Exactly how is one supposed to find themselves if they're being chaperoned from appointment to appointment and asking for money all the time? One doesn't and that's where my problem sets in.
I want to be independent, I want to travel the world. I want to see amazing places and meet amazing people. I want to write a novel. I want to do something I love and not be told to sit in an office everyday. These dreams, they all require to know oneself and how can I know myself if I'm not independent?! But also brings up the fact how much do I need to know. There's so much to the human brain how could I possibly know what I all need to know to assert that I choose the right path to take. The right dream to follow.
It seems to me that life is a beautiful chaotic mess and sometimes it's so easy to get swept up in it. It's so easy to follow what you're supposed to do. I had a plan, a plan that mapped out significant life achievements and when I would achieve them. So far, I've derailed from my plan. But my plan doesn't matter. There's only one dream, one plan that really matters and that's his. He will make my dreams and my desires his.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
-Psalm 37:4
I want to be independent, I want to travel the world. I want to see amazing places and meet amazing people. I want to write a novel. I want to do something I love and not be told to sit in an office everyday. These dreams, they all require to know oneself and how can I know myself if I'm not independent?! But also brings up the fact how much do I need to know. There's so much to the human brain how could I possibly know what I all need to know to assert that I choose the right path to take. The right dream to follow.
It seems to me that life is a beautiful chaotic mess and sometimes it's so easy to get swept up in it. It's so easy to follow what you're supposed to do. I had a plan, a plan that mapped out significant life achievements and when I would achieve them. So far, I've derailed from my plan. But my plan doesn't matter. There's only one dream, one plan that really matters and that's his. He will make my dreams and my desires his.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
-Psalm 37:4
Sunday, January 26, 2014
How To Be A Good Roommate
Step 1: Clean Up After Yourself
There's nothing more frustrating than coming home to a kitchen or living room that is messy and has clutter. It's just common courtesy to clean up after yourself and not make other people do it. Accommodate to others cleanliness levels. What your idea of clean may not be clean to others and that's frustrating to live with.
Step 2: Be a friend
When you live with others' you may not always get along but you share life together and it's important to be willing to get to know your roommate and bond. Sometimes it's nice to come home from a hard day and be able to vent it out and get things off your chest.
Step 3: Be communicative
It's hard to bring up issues that annoy you to others' and vice versa but in the long run it's much healthier and will be a defining factor in how you treat each other. If you're on the end of being told what you're doing wrong it can be hard and you might get mad but hopefully after a cooling off period you'll realize that it was hard to bring up the issue and the reason they brought it up was not to hurt but to come up with a resolution. If you're bringing up the issue remember to go in the situation with a nice attitude and try not to get upset with your roommate.
Step 4: Sharing is Caring
But only when you ask. Be respectful of your roommate's belongings. You should always ask permission before borrowing and always return the items in same condition if not better. If you ruin/ lose something be willing to replace it.
Step 5: Control Your Noise Levels
It's okay to set your alarm loud enough to wake up just don't let it ring for 10 minutes before you get out of bed. And it's okay to watch movies, just don't have the volume on loud and be watching an action movie at 2am. It's okay to do things, just be courteous and remember that your roommate AND neighbors are trying to sleep.
Step 6: Shower Regularly and Wear Deodorant
No one likes being around someone who smells and more importantly no one likes telling someone that they smell. I'm not telling you that you need to shower everyday (Lord knows I don't) but you do need to use deodorant everyday, trust me on this one! Here's a handy guideline if you need help figuring it out:
After exercise - shower
Been more than three days - shower
You've been a couch potato recently - shower
When people around you make faces - should of showered yesterday
Swimming -this is not a shower, you still NEED to shower
Rolling around with pets/animals - shower
Step 7: Don't Be Annoying
Nobody has time for that. But in all honesty, respect each others' "me times" and you'll get along better and less things will be annoying like the way you smack your gum or your how your voice does that one thing.
Step 8: Do chores
This goes along with clean up after yourself but it also isn't one persons job to clean up the apartment and take out the trash. Be willing to chip in the time and get to the grime. Or you know being willing to throw a few bucks $$$ a girl's way.
Step 9: Don't Steal Food
Food is a sacred ingredient in keeping me alive. I like what I like. If you like what I like, in the words of a cheez-it commerical, get your own box.
Step 10: Don't Judge
We all come from different walks of life and have made different mistakes. Be willing to each other as you are and move on from there. Some behavior might warrant an intervention at times but that's another story.
I got a little tired at the end but here's your how to, I hope it's beneficial.
There's nothing more frustrating than coming home to a kitchen or living room that is messy and has clutter. It's just common courtesy to clean up after yourself and not make other people do it. Accommodate to others cleanliness levels. What your idea of clean may not be clean to others and that's frustrating to live with.
Step 2: Be a friend
When you live with others' you may not always get along but you share life together and it's important to be willing to get to know your roommate and bond. Sometimes it's nice to come home from a hard day and be able to vent it out and get things off your chest.
Step 3: Be communicative
It's hard to bring up issues that annoy you to others' and vice versa but in the long run it's much healthier and will be a defining factor in how you treat each other. If you're on the end of being told what you're doing wrong it can be hard and you might get mad but hopefully after a cooling off period you'll realize that it was hard to bring up the issue and the reason they brought it up was not to hurt but to come up with a resolution. If you're bringing up the issue remember to go in the situation with a nice attitude and try not to get upset with your roommate.
Step 4: Sharing is Caring
But only when you ask. Be respectful of your roommate's belongings. You should always ask permission before borrowing and always return the items in same condition if not better. If you ruin/ lose something be willing to replace it.
Step 5: Control Your Noise Levels
It's okay to set your alarm loud enough to wake up just don't let it ring for 10 minutes before you get out of bed. And it's okay to watch movies, just don't have the volume on loud and be watching an action movie at 2am. It's okay to do things, just be courteous and remember that your roommate AND neighbors are trying to sleep.
Step 6: Shower Regularly and Wear Deodorant
No one likes being around someone who smells and more importantly no one likes telling someone that they smell. I'm not telling you that you need to shower everyday (Lord knows I don't) but you do need to use deodorant everyday, trust me on this one! Here's a handy guideline if you need help figuring it out:
After exercise - shower
Been more than three days - shower
You've been a couch potato recently - shower
When people around you make faces - should of showered yesterday
Swimming -this is not a shower, you still NEED to shower
Rolling around with pets/animals - shower
Step 7: Don't Be Annoying
Nobody has time for that. But in all honesty, respect each others' "me times" and you'll get along better and less things will be annoying like the way you smack your gum or your how your voice does that one thing.
Step 8: Do chores
This goes along with clean up after yourself but it also isn't one persons job to clean up the apartment and take out the trash. Be willing to chip in the time and get to the grime. Or you know being willing to throw a few bucks $$$ a girl's way.
Step 9: Don't Steal Food
Food is a sacred ingredient in keeping me alive. I like what I like. If you like what I like, in the words of a cheez-it commerical, get your own box.
Step 10: Don't Judge
We all come from different walks of life and have made different mistakes. Be willing to each other as you are and move on from there. Some behavior might warrant an intervention at times but that's another story.
I got a little tired at the end but here's your how to, I hope it's beneficial.
Blogging
I'm sitting here and I can't think of anything to write but in my head I'm like
but I also know if I think about it too much I might become something along the lines of this:
I know, scary. It takes hard work to be a blogger!
So I'm going to give myself a pep talk and hopefully write some awesome words of wisdom later.
I know, scary. It takes hard work to be a blogger!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Make Something Good Out Of Today
The title of this post came from a journal one of my roommates got me for Christmas. Today's been hard to follow that rule. I skipped every class I had including my lab. I just didn't have the motivation or the mental capacity to take today in. Days like these are hard. They are so discouraging but then my daily devotional (out of Jesus Calling) said this,
"Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties."
It was just a beautiful reminder that even though today was rough there's still good in it and to not give up. I know irony, considering I gave up this morning and skipped class.I guess I should have read my devotional first thing today. But there's blessings all around me I just have to open my eyes and change my perspective to see them. If anything today I learned to be better prepared for my classes. Lesson learned. I am not in a place where I can just give up this semester and I refuse to let giving up become my mentality.
I am not giving up on school. I am not giving up on believing that I will get out of this depression. I am not giving up on my faith. I am going to use these situations to lean on my wonderful father who is holding not only me but the entire world in his hands. There's a magnificent God so why would I give up on this life he has blessed me with. He never said it'd be easy, but he's leading me so that when I stumble I have a hand to hold that will keep me from falling.
He has me. I am his.
"Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties."
It was just a beautiful reminder that even though today was rough there's still good in it and to not give up. I know irony, considering I gave up this morning and skipped class.I guess I should have read my devotional first thing today. But there's blessings all around me I just have to open my eyes and change my perspective to see them. If anything today I learned to be better prepared for my classes. Lesson learned. I am not in a place where I can just give up this semester and I refuse to let giving up become my mentality.
I am not giving up on school. I am not giving up on believing that I will get out of this depression. I am not giving up on my faith. I am going to use these situations to lean on my wonderful father who is holding not only me but the entire world in his hands. There's a magnificent God so why would I give up on this life he has blessed me with. He never said it'd be easy, but he's leading me so that when I stumble I have a hand to hold that will keep me from falling.
He has me. I am his.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Spirit Lead Me..
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand
...
My soul will rest in your embrace
For I am yours and you are mine
I'm about to be 100% honest and some of it is not going to be pretty. This year and by year I don't mean 2014, this school year including parts of summer has been really difficult on me. For a majority of days it was hard to get out of bed and be thankful to be alive. I wanted to be dead. I was so unhappy and with no insight as to why. It was a hard fall semester to start feeling like that and I kept asking God "Why? Why this again?" and he never answered. I had a really hard time accepting that he left me to experience this depression. I wanted a magic wand that would wave it all away but that didn't happen. I lost faith.
I lost my joy. I lost my drive. I lost my faith in a good God. But while I was so stubborn to only see my way, he was working in my life. Someone explained to me that sometimes feeling God's presence is like a tree, when it's in full bloom it's beautiful and so vibrant with life but in the other seasons of the tree's life it's strengthening it's roots even though it's not in bloom. I've learned, I'm not always going to feel God's presence in my life but that doesn't mean he's left me. It means he's calling me to grow.
I got my faith back. I started to believe that even though I hurt, he was making something good come out of this pain. He's still working in my life through my depression reminding me that the only way out is through. I have to work through the issues that are causing my depression and the first step is to identify. I have so much work ahead of me but I have my loving father walking along side me and I have his spirit IN me.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
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